Hey God, this thing…this life lesson thing. I am trying really. I am trying to do that forgiveness thing too. I am not doing a good job of it at all. I get mad still…ok, I get angry. It is not fair. It is not fair that those who did mean and bad things to me get the good parts of life that are supposed to be mine.

GRRRRR….

What’s that God? Do I need a time out?

No, No, I’m ok. I will have to be, right? What choice do I have.

I can’t make things different just by willing it so. I have discovered the fail safe you put in that magic bullet called Free Will. That mess is not free at all. There is a consequence payment system built right in.

I have free will to make decisions but not free of the consequences. I understand but I do not have to like it.

God, I hear you say that I will be happier if I forgive. I am happy now, just mad. Will I be less mad if I forgive? No, there is no guarantee about that so I will just be be mad.

I was wronged. I was hurt. I was the one who was broken. Yet, I was also the one who sacrificed for a better life.

I am the one who continues to pay for someone else’s crimes. There is no solace for me. and then you wonder why I can’t forgive.

I am so done. D-O-N-E! Done. When they come looking for me and I am gone. You tell them why. You tell them the truth. It will be too late then.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”^[a]

It will take more than seventy…Forgiveness is hard and I don’t want to.

~Lori O’Gara