We put on a face that we think the world wants to see when we go out in public. It is the professional and socially acceptable face. We hide the fact that we are not that person inside, maybe a little but not entirely. This illusion is not who we really are, you know, on the inside. It is almost like we have a split personality, maybe more than one or two.
You hate the fact that you can’t be yourself completely. You let little pieces of the real you slip out and hope that it is accepted. You mention that you like to watch that show late at night while eating ice cream out of the container sipping booze from a Disney princess cup. Most of the time the little fragments you share are not accepted not because it is not good enough for the masses, but it is because no one notices or cares in the first place. Whatever dude, I like pink cupcakes and beer, so what?
You are that good of an actor in the day time that you fool those who spend more daylight hours with you than your own family.
Your family now that is a different face altogether. Your same house family sees the real you, or more of the real you than the outside of your house people do. They see you naked when you are walking out of the shower and hear your real laugh. They see you overeat and lick the spoons. They see you without your hair done, bra-less and in comfy clothes. You know the pajamas with the holes that you can’t stomach throwing out.
The trick is to cope with this mixture of people living inside your head and in the process make sure that you do not lose sight of the real you. Even the more like you that the family sees is a not complete version of the real you. You have to be careful with them too. For different reasons s than the day time people. The day time people is to keep your job so you can keep feeding yourself. Your carefulness with family is so that you don’t’ necessarily hurt them. They hurt easy. You must protect them because you love them more than the life you lead.
If you are lucky and I mean really lucky you may have that one person who you can be your complete real true self with. That person sees you naked in a different way than any other person. They see you wide open and vulnerable. They know your fears and what makes you tick. If that person lets you be real, sees you with all your beautiful faults and loves you anyway, keep them. It is that person who brings you peace, dries your tears and tends to your wounds.
That one person who is their real self when with you too. It is the most real you can be together. You realize that you are better together than alone. That is your person. If you have that person you are lucky.
Why is it that we feel we have to be so torn and fake with so many people in our lives? Why is it that we can’t just be who we really are all the time? If not all the time at least with our entire families?
I will tell you why. I am not sure you’re ready to hear it but I will tell you anyway.
The reason we hide our true selves from so many people in our lives, even our families because of fear.
We fear judgment. We fear not being good enough. We fear the embarrassment of their disappointment.
We present an image to our friends on social media that we take no prisoners, play in the rain, dance like no one is watching, kick ass and take names confident, but really we are just pretending. Let one of them call us out on it in real life and we are like, um..no I think I will just do my same day in day out routine, thank you very much. Was that thunder? Where is my umbrella?
The trick is to be who you really are in a socially acceptable range so that you keep your job, don’t hurt your family and be yourself all at the same time. Good luck figuring that one out.
Believe in your authentic self.
Thank you for your time. You can see more of my writing here.