I have a chronic habit of saying “I’m sorry” all the time even when I am not sorry. I say it when I did absolutely nothing. It drives my family crazy. I finally had enough of it myself. I decided to count how many times I say “I’m sorry” throughout the course of a day. I’d apologized 27 times! I apologized for things that didn’t require an apology.

What is wrong with me?

What I found is that I’m not sorry. Not all of the time, anyway. Not for all of the things for which I usually apologize.

I notice this same behavior in so many of my female friends and coworkers. Apologies before speaking up, if sharing an opinion or idea and before making completely reasonable requests. Apologies that are notably unnecessary.

I have decided to stop saying I am sorry. Unless I have truly done something I should apologize for in the first place. Unnecessary apologies lesson the value of real ones. People ignore them when they hear it all the time. Like the little boy who cried wolf.

Stopping with all the sorry was more difficult than I thought. I found myself saying it and not even realize until it was out of my mouth. My first thought was, I am such a failure.

Again, what the hell is wrong with me?

Why are we often conditioned to hold on to the victim mentality even after we have moved on from the partnership? Not just women, men have the same issue after being in a mentally abusive relationship.

Bullying in a marriage or a couple relationship knows no gender.

Verbal abuse prevents real relationships. The partner of an abuser may live under the illusion that he or she has a healthy relationship. Saying I’m sorry all the time is often a coping mechanism when trying to rationalize the abuse you are receiving.

Just stop. You are better than that and so am I. If you are like me and have moved on to a better loving relationship, let’s drop the old habits. Let us flourish in the knowledge that we are worthy of the love we are given.

We have nothing to be sorry for.

Listen here, Self, if you aren’t sorry do not say it!

~Lori O’Gara