I have spent the better part of my life trying to be that girl. You know the smart one, the one everyone thinks has all the right stuff going for her. I wore what they said was fashionable. I drove the right car just like the cool TV ads said was right. I lived in what was the best house I could afford. On and on living a life that was chosen by society for me.
I am not saying that I did not like those things, I did but they were not what I chose they were chosen for me. I wanted to present a correct image to the world or at least what I thought was correct. I was, by society’s standards living right. Through it all, I sacrificed truth so that I could be that person.
You know the one, the one that fits in.
At some point in my life, I decided that enough was enough. I decided I would make my own choices, and to hell what anyone thought. I was going to do just what I wanted to do. I drove fast cars and drank a lot with my friend Tom Collins. I stayed out late because society said I should be at home watching the latest obsession on HBO or Net-flicks. I was not going to be that person.
I had a huge swing in the opposite direction. The pendulum went swoosh and stuck over there for a long time. Eventually, the whole thing caught up with me. I am not going to give you a story that says I was face down in the gutter covered with the smut of my own nasty life.
No, I rather liked how I was living. I didn’t need anyone. I could make it on my own. I did not have to listen to what anyone said. I ate, drank, and partied like a rock star. I lied, cheated, performed on the stage of life to get what I wanted. This life is mine for the taking and I was taking it all. No one could stop me, I was made for a grand thing, and I was creating the life I wanted no matter who got hurt in the fallout. I did not care it was all about me.
Then He changed me.
God found me. He said to my soul, You are mine.
I was not one of these instant converts, no not me. I fought God like a spoiled child. I crossed my arms and stomped my perfectly manicured toes in my shiny silver stilettos. No, I like this life. I don’t want that goody-goody life you are offering. I want to play.
Let me tell you, God has a way of smacking your smart self-center attitude right out of you. When you look up and you are on your butt trying to figure out what direction that lightning came from, you’ll understand.
God found me at what I thought was at the height of my life. The best years of who I was. I was young, sexy, smart and I knew it. To the outside world I was making something of myself, in the eyes of God, I was a big messy failure that had to be cleaned up.
Listen up my friend, don’t think that because your life is flying high and sailing smoothly that you are just fine without God. If God wants you, He will have you.
No manner of running, begging, lying, compromising or bargaining will stop Him from taking you and changing you. I tried all that. I begged and pleaded with God. “Please let me have that one thing I want and I will go to church next Sunday, I promise.” God knew I was lying and so did I. I was lying and manipulating myself to death’s door. If God had not snatched me up by the scruff of my perfectly tanned neck I wouldn’t have lasted long. Had He not turned me around to His direction, I would be dead. You would not be reading this.
God changed me. For that, I am and will be forever thankful.
Thank you for your time. You can see more of my writing here.